Love Mindset: Hug Your Thoughts and Befriend Your Nervous System

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In this solo-episode, Aaron shares his story of struggles after a break up, and how he recovered by observing his thoughts and being kind to his nervous system.

Show Notes

23 min Aaron Talks

• What do you mean hug your thoughts and befriending your nervous system?

• It was a conclusion I came to after being in therapy.

• I was repeating myself, it was a form of trauma

• I began observing the thoughts, emotion, and stress I was in

2:00 min

• Catastrophizing your relationship. Making it worst in my brain and thoughts.

• I was in a roller coaster relationship

• Be careful when self-diagnosing

• I was getting triggered in my environment

• There wasn’t a real relationship

3:45 min Not Beating Yourself Up

• I was should-ing all over myself

• It’s not your fault, its how you where programed to be in a relationship

• Not taking you or your partner personally

• I began to have compassion for myself

• Notice your thoughts and detach from them

5 min

• Romanticizing the good parts after a break up

• Being in denial and living in a fantasy. You’re not accepting the entire picture

• Continuing to go down harmful thought patterns

• Every relationship is a two way conversation and a dance, are you in sync ?

6:15 min

• Hard time to moving on

• We get attached and even addicted to the stories we tell ourselves

• Feel like you’re still in the relationship by re-traumatizing yourself

• beating yourself is a dysfunctional way to stay safe, but actually a survival mechanism

• I was on a loop, like a song on repeat

7:50 min

• Had to Heal my thoughts and your nervous system and see how they are connected

• Every time I was triggered, the emotion put be back in the loop again

• Why would I put us through a roller coaster relationship ?

• What about you is causing the hurt ?

• We don’t consciously try to destroy a relationship or try to harm it

9:10 min

• My ex had forgiven me, but I hadn’t forgiven myself

• You have to have empathy and compassion towards yourself

• You have to hug and be kind to yourself to move on

• We get addicted to the high and low

• Only way to break free from a relationship is to love yourself

• Had to tame your inner critic, and see yourself for who you are

• Un-forgiveness is a trap

10:45 min

• We want to protect ourselves and stay safe

• Whats happening on a conscious but also an unconscious level

• Stick instead of a snake, not seeing behavior as a treat

• Just a story keeping you in a pain loop

12 min

• Befriend your nervous system

• Hugging your thoughts

• Slow down, pause and observe whats going on for you

• We typically go into relationships and experience similar behaviors, and see our partners as a threat

• See Your partner as a gift to learn more rather than a threat

• Understand what the trigger is for you

• It’s not always a threat

14 min

• We are meaning making machines, it’s how we interpret a situation

• Having compassion for your thoughts

• How would you love a bully

• If you’re constantly living in a story that’s causing pain, ask if its true or not

• Stop attaching an identity to you thoughts

• Observe your thoughts and emotions

• Take your nervous system out for a walk

16:30 closing thoughts 

If you’re struggling in harmful relationship patterns and finding your self-worth, you can connect with me on instagram @aarontosti or thekindoflove.com

Thanks for listening to TKOL podcast.

I’m Aaron.

Best of Love to you.