Here’s one of the biggest lesson’s I’ve learned about relationships…
I tried to fit myself inside someone else’s box, so I could be loved. (welcome to co-dependence 101)
It didn’t work.
I put them on a pedestal, thinking they were “the one”.
That also didn’t work.
I didn’t really know how to love them where they were at, love myself, and honor what was true for me at the same time.
I was playing small and it backfired on me.
I remember lying on the floor every Sunday after a long week, distraught, exhausted, and depressed… constantly wondering what was wrong with me, and how I could win her love back.
I had several nervous system breakdowns and panic attacks.
Looking back at what went sideways… I tried to please someone else while ignoring my own needs, and not living in full authenticity of where I was at in life.
I was self-sacrificing, self-abandoning, trying to figure out how to make someone happy and how to make a relationship work.
… feeling disconnected from my emotional needs and desires.
Not knowing how to love myself and what seemed like grasping at straws, I tried to prove my worth and win her back after we had split and she had moved on.
It monopolized my mind for a long time. I felt overwhelmed by how to love someone the way I thought they needed to be loved…
… but it was myself I had to love and accept .
I sounded like a broken record to my friends, and then finding myself repeating the same conversations over and over to a therapist.
I felt anxious, depressed, alone, and experienced several panic attacks.
I had to bounce back, so I went deep into...
… self-study, therapy, love coaching, spiritual learnings, mindfulness practices and meditation. It was all helpful, yet I often felt small and powerless.
I knew there had to be more to love and creating a meaningful aligned life where I could love someone in partnership, and ultimately love myself.