Discerning Between Your Wants, Needs, & Neediness with Tracy-Rose
In this episode Aaron talks with his cousin Tracy-Rose, a trauma and therapy informed mentor, about understanding the difference between neediness, needs, wants and how powerful fear can be.
SHOW NOTES
:25 min
Bringing self-awareness around your desires and how you use your attention in your relationship.
When we were young the love that we got was equal to the attention we got from our parents or caretakers. When we get into relationships we place our attention where we want love, have desires, and how we tend to our needs.
Many times we can get attached or even become addicted to what doesn’t serve us well. Think of how you spend your attention on your phone, where you spend your attention in your relationship, and how you spend it on yourself.?
If we aren't honest with ourselves about what we want and crave, we'll find ourselves placing our attention else where, self-meditating and coping.
What if you were honest with yourself about what you crave, what your fears really are, and how you want to feel in your relationship? Do you think your experience would change?
In part 3 of my conversation with Tracy-Rose, we talk about decreeing between our wants and needs. We talk on the difference between knowing our needs and neediness, how powerful fear can control our relationships, and that fear will keep us trapped in harmful relationships with ourselves.
2:04 min
Tracy motions how important it is to discern between your needs and wants. A lot of us live from a place of “I want” and it can get diluted to “I need”.
A lot of us continue the same behaviors and reactions expecting different response, which is insanity
3:00 min
Aaron talk about the difference between needs and neediness. Neediness feel desperate.
Tracy-Rose says neediness is a want. Needs are typically simple.
Getting in touch with your ego and form a relationship. Tracy-Rose doesn’t think kill your ego is good, but rather having a healthy ego. But it can be confusing if you don’t know what you need.
5:30 min
People can get addicted to the need from others like getting likes on Instagram and getting attention to feel like a whole person.
Tracy did a Technology detox that was 72 hours and learned that most people are doing something else with technology. Like driving in the car without having the music playing.
Aaron mentions mindfulness. Tracy mentions consumption and the proportion of intake vs outtake.
7:20 min
Over technology can actually keep you from dating. Like two women discussing how they want to date more, getting asked out, but being scared to actually say yes.
Dating, when done safely is just an exchange of energy. Women have different ideas around safety but Dating doesn’t have to be as vulnerable as you think it is.
Aaron’s favorite piece from the book, “If the Buddha dated” is crawling into love, rather than falling into love. And how you are created a bond and be mindful in the present moment with that person rather getting ahead of yourself.
9:10 min
Tracy-Rose talks about having mutual friends when she met her partner. She found safety in reference checking with friends.
Tracy had those stressful Intrusive thoughts around dating her partner and then slowed down had better conversation with herself. She was able then to observe how she was showing up.
11 min
Let the date be what it is and don’t get far ahead of yourself. Like being at the coffee shop and seeing someone you like, not interpreting them as your baby mama, but maybe let it be the women that get a smile from.
Then there’s not so much fear around the vulnerability.
11:50 min
Aaron says he loves curiosity as a response to anxious thoughts that are what if worst case scenarios. But instead, what if something awesome happens?
Then your needs shift from a future thought to the present moment.
12:50 min
Tracy-Rose talks about a show she was watching based around fear. Fear is powerful and can be a destructive energy. Fear often dehumanizes.
13:50 min
Most often fear creates BS illusions. Its about listening to fear so it doesn’t take control of you.
Fear wants to grip ahold of you, and then we become self-fulfilling prophecies.
Fear can render you unable to move and therefore feeling stuck in the patterns and cycle. It’s like being stuck spinning in place or analysis paralysis.
It’s like putting the gas and the brakes on at the same time. We all need to take a breath.
16 min
Tracy-Rose wraps up by thanking each other for being here and thanking the listeners. Hopefully something inspired you in this episode.
16:50 Closing
Thanks for doing us in this conversation. If there was something inspiring or you rethought something we’d love to hear about it in the reviews. Reviews help spread more awareness about the podcast.
If you if want to connect with Tracy-Rose on instagram.com/salveofthecircle
If you are struggling in harmful relationship patterns and want to claim your self worth, you can connect with me thekindoflove.com
You’ve been listening to TKOL Podcast.
I’m Aaron
Best of love to you.