"I Dated a Con Artist" with Wendell Moon
In this episode …
Aaron talks to his good friend and branding consultant Wendell Moon about what your personal brand really means, and Wendell shares some funny stories about dating a con artist and more.
Production by Aaron Tosti and Eric Hood
Theme Music by Steve Wilmot
All other Music by Soundstripe
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SHOW NOTES
Intro
00:00 min
Welcome to TKOL Podcast.. I'm Aaron Tosti.
A while back a good friend of mine said I should write a book called "The kind of love I'm getting I don't want, and the kind of love I want I ain't getting." an autobiography of weird love stories... so I made it into a podcast.
Not only to share my stories, but other peoples stories... maybe even yours.
Love gets weird some times right ? ...tell me about it
40 sec
Beginning Narration
I’ve been waiting for quite some time to introduce you to my good friend Wendell.
He’s apart of how this whole podcast got started.
Think of this episode as behind the scenes, letting you in on what this podcast is all about.
A while back I met my now good friend Wendell Moon, a Brand Architect and Coach.
He helped me think about my personal brand and strategy, and kind of a thumbprint you might say for how I wanted to approach TKOL.
I was really passionate about taking what I had learned as coach and my own self-development journey, and getting into the hands of others
Feeling like this was long form content, I asked Wendell to help me, and I thought I’d bring him on to tell that story, why I’m circling back to telling funny stories.. and you’ll hear about what he does.
Branding, Networking, Building a business all seemed impersonal and I had a lot of resistance at first.
Wendell brought a fresh perspective about personal branding.
It helped me think differently about it and creating a podcast that would evolve..
Plus Wendell shares some funny dating stories..
And in true friendship form, Wendell and I start off the conversation bantering…
1:45 min
Coffee talk and riffing about monks, hops, gift shops, and scented candles.
3:10 min
This is Wendell and Aaron’s routine and rapport, to riff for about 5-10 minutes before it gets serious.
Wendell and Aaron oscillate from serious to ridiculous humor.
4:10 min
Wendell got introduced by someone saying, “Wendell has A LOT of energy”.
They walk away from their time together always laughing. It’s like leaving through the “laughing gift shop”
But thats why Aaron brought Wendell in for an episode… It’s about lightening the load and bringing levity, but also… You gotta show up if you want to get it done.
———
5:30 min
Wendell’s “first love” story…
You never really know someone ‘til you’ve laughed with them.
A mentor said to Wendell… “If you love someone, sit down and do taxes with them.”
It’s important to do those real life things with your partner
It’s important to carve out time with your partner.
Time is never kind but it’s always available to those that decide it’s important.
7:20 min
“If you believe in something you have to make time for it” - Wendell Moon
Time is another word for attention. When we say “I don’t have time” , we really mean “we don’t know how to give it attention.
Woah, You just killed my vibe bro !
People have a hard time, eating their vegetable, they need to put ranch on them.
Quickest way to being a victim is throwing your hands up and saying “I don’t know”.
9:00 min
Wendell is a recovering people pleaser, and an Enneagram 3 with a strong 2 wing. He likes to help people, but he got too much identity out of how others feel.
There’s a lot of similarities between Aaron and Wendell grewing up in California in a conservative Christian culture.
Wendell had a college counselor assume some things about him because he was homeschooled.
Wendell had lived a lot of life before college.
12 min
Wendell was suppose to go through a special program. He had to take a test for it, then nailed it.
Wendell’s mentor was one of the first people that changed his mind about himself. Up until that point Wendell thought he wasn’t smart.
13:45 min
Be humble but know your worth.
When we are talking about business relationships we are just talking about relationships. It’s really that simple. We complicated because we put expectation on others that are not based in real time.
Wendell has a big, strange, robust imagination.
Learning how to speak up for ourselves without reacting to the other person, is a powerful thing to learn.
Enjoy being you, enjoy life and having fun, and be a little more clear about what you need
Aaron gets relationship-y and talks about seeing the reflections in your relationships.
It might get loud, serious, loud and fun…. It’s all apart it
The most empowering thing is to ask yourself what you need.
Find the freedom to be your most unapologetic, authentic self and attract what you’re looking for.
That’s when you really show up for yourself and become an active participant in the engagement of your experiences.
———
16:40 min
Aaron says, “This is ‘the conversation about the conversation.’ and then gave Wendell a hard time for name dropping Rob Bell.
Do you feel the love?
Aaron brings up the podcast title and then jokes about how Wendell used to call it “THAT kind of love”
Originally, Wendell suggested to Aaron to set up the podcast episodically, which set up the TKOL Podcast to evolve.
———
19:05 min
Wendell shares another Love Story…
Wendell found out that he dated a con artist.
He found out sipping Manhattan’s talking to his buddy who had dated the same person at the same time.
They laughed so hard the restaurant staff had to come over to check on them.
They both got played! They lost the relationship but they won the lottery, because they both dodged a huge bullet.
21:40 min
We just can’t see everything when we’re “in it”. This is why we need relationships… we are relational beings.
We need people to call us out on our 💩
Wendell thanks his wife for calling him out when other people were taking advantage of him.
She helped him begin to reassess who he was giving his time and attention.
Wendell says, “Think about your ROI in your relationships.”
Take care of yourself so you can more effectively take care of others
If your needs are not being met, getting met move on.
23:50 min
People talk about being burnt out, but what are you giving your time and attention to?
You keep eating, drinking, consuming, and being around toxic things and people, no wonder you’re exhausted.
It’s the Zen of it all. Aaron talks about relationship as 3 energies… give, take and receive.
If you’re giving too much of your time and attention to something that’s not serving you, well then don’t give your time and attention to that thing, cause it’s not giving back what you’re here to do, be or experience.
- Aaron Tosti
———
25:10 min
What Wendell does…
Some say “ Wendell BS’s for a living.”
Wendell gives a quote from Gutzon Borglum who sculpted Mount Rushmore instead of telling us what he does.
“The faces are already in the mountain, it’s my job to bring them out.” - Gutzon Borglum
Thats what he does with branding, Wendell is a Brand Architect.
Helping Business leaders artichect brand experiences.
28:40 min
Aaron says, you gave me the full experience, before the pitch.”
Wendell says, “You lose people with the elevator pitch.”
For a min lets get to know one another.
Be human and share what’s relatable.
———
28:35 min
Aaron brings the conversation back to the con artist relationship story and asks Wendell…
“Was that TKOL you were getting that you didn’t want,
or … was that TKOL you wanted that you didn’t get.”
Wendell says, “Both”
Wendell’s relationship patterns… he had a trend of being the “savior” in his earlier relationships. He was always trying to save or help someone.
It wasn’t until his friends pointed it out
He would date bright, beautiful, aspirational women, and then be ghosted for weeks. They showed back up like nothing was wrong.
The people Wendell dated would be surprised when he asked very simple questions like… “Where have you been for several weeks.
Last thing he knew they were on the beach having fun talking about spending a life together, then he was ghosted for 2 weeks…. WTF ?
We don’t get to go backwards, but we do get “do-overs” as we move forward.
Looking back, that was a moment Wendell could have spoken up for his needs.
There was always a “victim story” from the other person.
32:05 min
So much of Wendell’s past relational patterns came from the environment he grew up in.
It was a culture where he was required to “help everyone” and be the general manager of the universe.
Wendell had other people call him out and help him see these things about himself.
This is why it’s important to have a therapist.
Therapists help you see things that you cant see for yourself.
Ask yourself, “What’s the role that I want to play?”
Do you want to enjoy your life, or do you want to be holding a heavy projection of yourself?
34 min
Relating to what Wendell was saying, Aaron shared that he got called out one time for dating “projects”. But, they’re people not projects.
That’s not the kind of love I’m looking for…
Wendell grew up in a lot of Trauma. And then he had to help people in high stress environments.
But… We go with what we know.
Am I attracting the things and people and relationships I want?
When we have clarity and find joy… we attract different kinds of voices.
35:45 min
Another love story… Wendell goes on a Tinder Date, before he meets his wife… also on tinder.
Wendell went on this tinder date that went from 0 to 1000 in 3 dates.
They were ready to come and live with him by that 3rd date.
It was going to be Wendell helping someone out of a hard situation again.
There was a lot of tears when he said no.
37:45 min
Don’t mistake intensity for intimacy….sometimes we don’t know if it’s a trauma response.. butterflies can be a trauma response.
And sometimes the intensities can pull us into roles we don’t want to play.
What Wendell was doing for work had a lot to do with rescuing people.
Don’t translate your competencies from biz relationships into romantic dating relationships.
You can’t get hung up on our partner’s words because of semantics, and then use that against them.
That was something Wendell had to face in his marriage.
Especially when our Identity is wrapped up in what we do not who we are.
____
40:40 min
This can happen with people where your identity is wrapped up in what we do, instead of who we are.
Wendell helps brands effectively talk about who you are not what you do.
We don’t like being sold to.. and we don’t like marketing
We want to connect with people that bring meaningful connection to our lives.
People that matter, you make time for.
It’s important for those making this world better, helping people get better, and are committed heart centered work…. To make sure the relationships in our lives are not on your to-do list.
43:30 min
Wendell shares getting better with business boundaries.
If we’re not careful we can confuse boundaries with isolation and rejection.
“Quietly work, let success speak up.” - Coors
It’s important to do the work.
“Freedom is on the other side of discipline.” - Wendell Moon
“I don't believe people are looking for the meaning of life as much as they are looking for the experience of being alive.”
― Joseph Campbell
45:25 min
It’s about being present.
We osillate from the present and the future.
This is often where people experience burn out is living both in the present, and years into the future
If you really want to set goals take care of you and those closest to you, then plan.
Be present, sharpening your axe, chop wood, rest and repeat.
…then zoom out and dream.
47:25 min
Aaron thanks Wendell for being apart of his journey… not being in the trenches, but along side.
… and for the Birthday Roast.
Wendell thanks Aaron.
And then there’s the short Japanese Whiskey Story where Aaron brought Wendell whiskey at 8:30 in the morning for a Branding Session.
Peace out !
49:20 Closing
Hey, Thank you so much for listening!
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Or you can follow me personally @aarontosti
Thanks again,
I’m Aaron.
Best of Love to You
FIND THE FREEDOM TO BE YOUR MOST AUTHENTIC, UNAPOLOGETIC SELF AND ATTRACT THE LOVE YOU DESERVE.
— Aaron Tosti, Self Healing Coach