Personal Boundaries are like Training Guides for your Heart.
Saying yes feels good, but a great relationship is one where you can say no and everyone is ok with it. - Dr. Henry Cloud
A lot of people throw around the word boundaries when it comes to relationships. I choose to see them as what you allow, or don’t allow in your life. It begs the question, “Is that thing serving me and my best interest?”
When you are becoming more of yourself and who you want to be, boundaries at first become hard lines you draw.
It’s like when you were a kid you learned to draw and color by numbers. You drew lines point to point and then color within the lines. Those boundaries helped you see a clearer picture when you were done.
To practice becoming an older, more seasoned artist you used grid paper and geometrical lines as boundaries to learn to make shapes. When you become a pro artist, you make your own lines. These are limitations, guidelines, or rules so you can make whatever you make on the canvas you choose.
The entire purpose of boundaries is to cultivate what’s inside and grow your confidence, talent, and the role you play.
In relationships, boundaries guide your heart and decision making. When you notice a pattern of behavior that isn’t serving you, or you get your emotional buttons pushed, your initial reaction may be to draw a hard line. Put your foot down. You may have to practice drawing that line a lot until you see a clearer picture of what’s best.
You’ll have many different interactions with others that may push your buttons. You can’t control anyone. And, you can save yourself the frustration and trap by learning that. It’s about learning to not take that thing personally. It’s about realizing that the behavior that hurt you was actually about your pain, not theirs.
Even though they may be reacting out of their own hurt, when you focus your attention and look at your own pain instead, you release the need to make it about them. Instead Ask, what’s the story here for me?
Eventually, the more you make this a practice, the boundaries you set become lighter and lighter. You don’t need them as much anymore because you’ve practiced not taking it personally so much, that you’re less effected. You become like a pro who can draw your own conclusions on any canvas.
Make sense? Can you relate ? What behaviors are you allowing (or not allowing) to take over and distort the image you have of yourself?
I’m Aaron, a heart-Centered Life Coach. If you feel trapped in harmful relationship patterns and you want to find meaningful love, click “Work With Me” to apply and book a complimentary Discovery Call. I’d love to know how I can support you.