Aaron's Love Backstory Part 2 - Aaron & Josh talk about The Mean One "Amanda"

One nice girl, one mean girl, and some other funny ones. Aaron has to go through a tough relationship to realize he’s worth way more.

1:31 min - Aaron Narrates 

Did you have those relationships where you look back and realize, man I was a real turd? “I did not make great decisions.” I had to really look back and ask, “Why was I drawn to someone that treated me like I was worthless? Why didn’t I listen to my friend? Why did I have the blinders on? What’s the deal Aaron? Come on man. “ 

You know when someone is wrong for you when you completely loose yourself over them. You compromise yourself, your identity, for them. And you don’t even listen to your close friends that care about you. 

In this episode we talk about some weird stories and I how I came to more awareness about myself. 

2:30 min - Josh was an instigator. He told Aaron to kiss this girl. At this point josh becomes more of a close friend than a mentor. Aaron did it and it worked. 

4:25 Josh told Aaron, you just need to go make out with that girl and tell her “Josh Hernandez told me to do this” and then kiss her. It worked.  

5:20 min - Aaron goes to Seatle to record with a band. She was kind of a fan of the band Aaron was playing for and Aaron wasn’t really that into it. 

5:50 min  Josh‘s dad said, what’s wrong with you guys? where’s all your girlfriends? Thats the one shred of information that helped Josh. 

7:10 min - Josh isn’t a relationship guru. Josh and his wife are a success story. No one told Aaron he should just date. He had to figure it out for himself

7:30 min - Our brains are detectives to find the story that supports their belief. “I have to find the one” or “relationships don’t work out for me.” The stories that are fear based and wounded beliefs.  

8:30 min -  Josh had to encourage Aaron. Sarah was the first chance at simply dating without a ton of pressure. Could’ve of been the love Aaron wanted. 

9:35 min - It was the kindness that Aaron wanted. Instead, Aaron was attracting girls that put him down. 

10:00 min- Jump to Nashville. Josh and Aaron were roommates. There was the girls that they had funny names for them. The names always connects with why Aaron can’t see himself liking them. Josh would say, “Why don’t you like her?” Aaron had weird quirks.  This girl, Aaron said she had a funny face, but Josh said “It’s a funny face photo”, like the kind of photo where everyone intentionally makes a funny face. So they nicknamed her “Funny Face Photo.” 

13:00 min - Aaron had some hang ups. Aaron was still struggling to simply date. Aaron was just scared to date someone. “Its not the one.” So Aaron would 

13:40 min - Then there was the girl “Sleepy time”, she was more into Aaron than Aaron was into her. Aaron

14:40 min - Aaron Narrates

Josh was a really good observer of my past dating life… if you want to call it that. His instigation was a good challenge for me. I really had to step into my fear. Now when I hear these stories I look and see that I was creating hang ups and making excuses for these really cool girls that you could’ve dated.   So now when I hear excuses I see limitations, and when I see limitations I smell fear. Fear creates limitations for yourself and says to you “ I can’t do that. It’s not going to work out. “ I think that was a big unconscious story going on for me. That belief was based on a fear because I had a lot of evidence in my childhood that relationships don’t work. They’re messy. People can’t be on the same script. So I had that fear and story going on for me. It was hard for me to see a relationships work out. What does a successful relationship look like? I didn’t know at the time. Now I know if I keep holding onto that belief that relationships don’t work out, I’m going to keep receiving that. I’m going to keep getting that. I’m going to keep creating that in my life. Instead of changing my perspective, reframing it,  and see that relationships can work out. You can going out with someone and just have a good time. And not make anything else out of it. 

16:40 min - Aaron’s first real girlfriend in Nashville. “Amanda” Unconsciously Aaron was thinking ”that girl looks miserable I should go over there and talk to her” It was like Aaron went back in time. 

17:30 min - Amanda was a miserable person. She lived with the cold shoulder. Aaron was also in the dark ages. The winter of Aaron’s discontent. She sucked for Aaron. 

18:10  min - Josh explains that this was a hard relationship for their friendship. Josh didn’t like the way she treated Aaron. But they were almost not friends.  

19:00 min - Josh expressed his opinion as if Aaron and him are brothers . He said to Aaron, “You shouldn’t date that girl.” 

20:00 min - Josh calls Aaron’s ex out at a bar. Aaron left the table. Aaron’s Ex said to Josh with a dead pan, ”I know that you don’t like me.” Josh said back, “I’ve know Aaron for a long time. He’s a good person. I just want him to be with someone who is as good as he is.” 

22:00 min - Josh explains how Amanda made Aaron feel worthless. But Aaron had a role to play in that. The unconscious story of someone needing to punish Aaron. Josh says, “She was just mean man! I didn’t understand if you liked someone why you would be that mean.” 

24:30 min - It was like Aaron went back in time and dated someone mean and young, like a young teenager. Aaron describes her as a young bulldozing firecracker of meanness. 

24:50 min - In fairness, Josh mentions that there was probably something that happen to Amanda that lead her that place. And also there were things that lead Aaron to that place to be treated that way. 

25:00 min - Aaron  Narrates

In this story with Amanda, it really shows me that I am the common denominator in all of my relationships. I really bring into the relationship what I want and what I see. Usually we are basing that on our past. We recreate the future with the knowledge that we have of our past. 

Why would I get back into a  relationship where someone was giving me the cold shoulder, mean, unkind, and kind of upstaged anybody else that had been mean to me? 

Why would I do that? A belief system. A false belief about myself. Josh said it when he said, She made me feel like I was worthless. It was like I allowed that. I gave her consent to make me feel worthless. And that was a smallness complex. 

What Josh said to me fell on deaf ears. He was trying to help me. He wasn’t trying to control the situation. He was just being honest. But I had to suffer some more.  I had blinders on. I think we can take the blinders off. I  think we can not deny ourselves who we really are. But I had to waste more time and be in a relationship with someone that didn’t see me for who I really am.   And didn’t treat me that way. 

But now I have the choice. Now I’ve empowered myself to be in a relationship who simply loves me for who I am. 

And if you’re struggling with this, it comes from a common denominator belief about yourself. And when you change what you believe about yourself, when you change that story, you start showing up differently and attracting the people that you want to have in your life. That’s holding true self-love. 

27:05 min - josh says that he couldn’t understand why Aaron would do that, but it was just something Aaron had to go through. Aaron played the victim. They met at a coffee shop to talk it out. Aaron tried to put it on Josh. Aaron said, “ I don’t think you want me to be happy.” Which was a projection. Josh said back, “She isn’t nice to you. If you want to date her that’s fine, but don’t tell me I don’t want you to be happy.” Josh wanted Aaron to be happy, and there’s no way she’s making Aaron happy. 

29:15 min - Aaron had to teach himself. He felt the need to suffer. There wasn’t anything conscious going. Aaron thought he could save her. Aaron played the hero therapist boyfriend complex and tried to fix Amanda.

30:05 min - To be clear Aaron explains that you can’t fix anyone. You can’t save anyone they have to save themselves. You can’t control anyone. You can’t make your partner happy, they have to make themselves happy. If you are happy on your own, you come together and if they’re happy thats just a plus. 

30:30 min- Josh’s friends advice. “You know it’s right when the compromises you make are small.” You’re not changing your values. You’re not changing your beliefs. It’s a little selfish to change the core of who you are. You’re not changing your values.

34:35 min- Josh’s advice fell on deaf ears for Aaron. Aaron was trapped in a dark age. Josh calls Aaron’s brother and tells him Aaron’s girlfriend sucked.

35:50 min - We go into our relationships with our own set of eyes. And if we’re not clear, its not the kind of love we want.  

36:40 min - the dynamic didn’t work. Aaron was in a dark time. What they brought to the table wasn’t the right ingredients. 

37:05 min -Aaron compares it to High Fidelity. Part of Aarons life is lived out by John Cusack movies.

38:00 min - Aaron’s love story was like Forrest and Jenny. Aaron had the savior complex. A lot of guys have the savior complex. 

38:40 min - Amanda ended pourly, but then a girl came in that was pretty cool and Aaron loved her a lot. To be continued… 

39:00 Aaron’s Recap

You can see how the story kept playing out for me. I either ran and hid from possible girls, or I walked straight into a story of misery. But I love what Josh said about not compromising the small things. You shouldn’t have to change for someone one. In fact now I believe you should feel and be your truest self. Your partner should actually be a team player and encourage you in who you are. They should add to your relationship not take away. They should reflect back and highlight the best parts of you, not make you smaller for their benefit. This is Childs play. 

If I may point out a red flag here. Whenever your friends who care about you are telling you something, it might be helpful to listen. Also, when you just feel like you can’t be yourself.. also listen careful at the conversations going on. You should never have to change for someone. And if you want to change, do it for yourself. Don’t try to be the hero. 

How we see ourselves in the relationship is so important. Empower yourself with choice. Choose to be the best version of yourself, THEN you will attract the kind of person that values the same things as you do. 

On the Next Episode we’ll be talking about a relationship that unfortunately just didn’t work out. And, how I sabotaged it a little bit by continuing to break up and get back together again over and over. And it’s as confusing and as much as a love conundrum as it sounds. 

But it was another stepping stone across the sometimes confusing river that I had to cross and then become aware of the love story that I now want to create. 

I’d like to thank Soundstripe for sponsoring.  They are a great source for music that adds the finishing touch to your content. 

Go to thekindoflove.com/promo and get 10% OFF to a year subscription of unlimited music at Soundstripe. 

Keep creating content, but mainly keep creating the love experiences you want to have. 

I’m your Coach Aaron.

Best of Love To You