Joe & Denise's Love Story Part 1 - Knowing Your Love

Joe & Denise are a one of a kind couple. In Part 1 of 3 episodes we talk about what attracted Joe and Denise to each other and how Denise’s Love Coaching practices built a solid foundational relationship.

Part 1 Joe And Denise’s Love Story

1:15 min Aaron Narrates 

Hey you out there!  Welcome back to the kind of love podcast. This interview I’m really excited about.  We are talking with the coaches that coached me how to coach. But first, they thought me about love.  They are Joe and Denise from newparadigmoflove.com  Joe and Denise taught me a lot about how to love people. And how not to make other people my problem. 

It’s a big conversation so in this first episode I wanted to talk about their love story. How they met. Its rare and facinating. We talk about how they met. I find it really interesting how they came together and how they worked as a team to support each there and not harm one another.  Denise’s perspective is very admirable, very intentional and very curious. And Joe is also a very present, intentional, curious and understanding kind guy who gives good hugs. 

I love the idea of people coming together and supporting each other rather than trying to divide and be separate. Along the way you’ll hear how different from the norm their dynamic is.  Unfortunately in my most of my life I’ve seen couples not be able to be on the same page. They blame and point the finger. They see themselves as separate. With Joe and Denise they accept everything about each other, even the hard to reach dark corners, the scary ones. The places and parts of themselves that a lot of couples don’t necessarily talk about. But Joe and Denise, they bring they’re truth to light so they see each other as a teacher, rather than a monster or an enemy in their relationship. 

In my early life, and I’ll see this from time to time. It seems like couples like to make their partners smaller.  It’s like the Leonard Cohen song that Jeff Buckley mad popular, Hallelujah. There’s a line in the last verses  that says “All I’ve ever learned from love is how to shoot somebody down who outdrew ya” I think a lot of couples can get into that conflict easily.  But the story of Joe and Denise.. this is much much different. So without further introduction, lovers listen in. Here is Joe and Denise.. Joe & Denise’s Love Story

3:35 min 

Denise and Joe say “hi !” Lets talk about your story. Aaron has seen there entire relationship blossom. Aaron has seen them go from dating to marriage. 

4:20 min

Aaron wanted to know how Joe & Denise attracted each other. Joe starts first. Joe was finishing up a divorce. Joe was at a friends and Denise came by for coaching.

5:30 min

Joe was skeptical and was going to just have “fun”. He thought he would just do some dating. He never thought he was going to be married again. Joe was captivated by Denise’s peacefulness. Joe invited Denise to a Toastmasters and he wasn’t trying together with her. 

7:00 min

They ended up spending 3 hours having conversation.Joe wasn’t attached to the idea that they were going to be together, and so Joe just started asking a bunch of questions  

7:43 min

Denise talks about her attraction. She used to be married to a chronic alcoholic. He wasn’t mean. But he was very unhealthy emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  She knew at some point she’d be leaving the relationship. Her husband went on a drinking binge.  She wasn’t in the mind space to date Joe. Denise wanted to be a public speaker and asked for Joes number to learn about toastmasters. 

9:24 min

After MollyBlooms, Denise was taken back by Joe’s ability to ask questions. Denise felt more known by all of Joe’s question, more than any other person in her life. She felt captivated by.  She said she was craving it. She couldn’t have put words to how that felt before she experienced the conversation with Joe. 

10:44 min

This was a very different experience than Denise had ever had with anyone. She was craving this intimacy. She was so taken back she couldn’t get the experience out of her head.  The next morning she sent Joe an email to affirm him in what he did.  Denise said, “ I wanted more. More please!”

11:40 min Aaron Narrates

This fascinated me about Joe and Denise. Seems like neither of them were TRYING or FORCING a relationship. Just two very present people being open and curious.  It was about a good conversation. How simple is the connection they made? Yet we are afraid to go deeper with people. We’re afraid sometimes to get to know people.  We put way too much meaning before we go on a date or anytime we go to have a conversation.. Yet when we slow down enough to get to know someone, we drop our snap judgements and get to join the experience. 

12:30 min

Aaron asks Joe about him not being sure about Denise..  Denise talks about her ex alcoholic ex husband being vastly different. This was 2013, in 2007 Denises ex was going through insane withdrawals in intensive care. Denise was lonely being in a relationship with an addict who was emotionally withdrawn. None of her deep emotional needs were met. And she made a list of the man she wanted to be with in a relationship. 

14:10 min

Denise said she prayed, “Please just bring me the boy. I don’t want to date or go and try to find him.” When Joe entered her life. It was like God had delivered a beautiful package.   Neither of them felt like they were “looking”. But when Denise was talking to Joe from across the table she said, “This is him.”

15:10 min

Aaron Says, “and you kept going.” One day turned into another day. Joe mentions Denise telling him to “Show up authentic. You’re not my problem. You’re never going to be in trouble. I’ll never say an unkind word.” Joe would never be in trouble.  Denise told him, “You’ll never be my problem. You will only and ever be my opportunity to address that which is in myself that requires healing.” Joe says thats what we believe the space of our relationship should be. Its meant to heal our wounds. They even said “Lets see how long this will last.” Denise also promised to never say an unkind word. One day turned into another day, into another day, into another day. 

17:00 min

Joe would say that the relationship was going to end at some point. Denise used Joe’s resistance to heal her wounds.  Denise would not have healed without Joe. Joe would not have healed without her. Denise now knows her value by the challenges that came up in the relationship. 

18:30 min  Aaron Narrates

So you may have noticed Joe or Denise say the word essence or spirit.  When they say Essence they’re meaning their truest self, their purest spiritual self. And when they say ego they’re meaning  their false self. The sense that wants to believe a false story.  And when they say Spirit they mean God or their deepest intuition.. And so it becomes a spiritual healing that takes place in their relationship. 

And this is where the change in the conversation goes from what some couples might go into confusion and miscommunication.. Joe and Denise step into a deeper connection. Instead of jumping into a relationship trying to GET  from each other.. Denise sees Joe’s resistance as a way to change her internal story and to heal her own past wounds of not feeling enough, or feeling like she doesn’t matter. So instead up backing out by fear she steps in deeper. 

19:35 min

Aaron Asks Joe what was  the ego story he was in. “I was going to have a lot of sex!” Joe talks about all of the women he mentally rehearsed having sex with. He never had a physical affairs. Stories that Joe just made up. The story that Joe attached to  was “This is going to be a lot of fun.”  6 years later after acknowledging the story he was telling himself. He would have been the cliche mid life crisis. He was grateful to not have gone down that path. Denise really showed Joe the road less traveled. And along helped him to heal. 

22:05 min

Denise asks Joe if he discovered for himself what he was really looking for, that he thought having a lot of sex would have given him. Joe says the only thing he thought a lot of sex would be was fun. And he would be avoiding his pain and suffering. Avoid his heart being broken while having fun. Joe’s essence or true self wanted to express love in safe space. A lot of safety was required for him, and Denise offered that. 

23:25 min

Joe’s was conditioned to “I’m always in trouble” old stories from previous marriage. He assumed he was going to be in trouble. Feeling like a disappointment. He found evidence in his ex. Blaming it on someone else rather than taking responsibility for himself.Joe thought, “ If I’m not around her I wan’t feel like a disappointment.”

25:05 min

Aaron remembers a old saying, “Wherever you go, there you are.” And mentions that a lot of guy have that same story “I’m going to be in trouble “.  Denise talks about an un-faulty foundation. 

25:55 min

Denise explains how the majority of relationships are set up. Its really just a viscous cycle of wounding one  another. Its so consistent and crazy. The strategy of the ego based on fear. Its some form of attack or controlling. Which actually works is to give. To come from a place from wholeness. Because of her ex husband, she considered him his teacher. 

27:20 min

Joe was Denises test subject, a guinea pig. She had to see only the good in Joe. Took a long time to build trust. Trust had to come in the form of encouragement and support. Even if Denise would have energetically have criticism or judgements, that would have broken trust. 

39:04 min Faulty purpose vs Devine foundation. Faulty purpose is to GET your partner to do what you want. Devine is to grow and heal. See them as the Gift, not the problem. You are here to trigger me to require what needs my attention inside. 

29:55 min

Aaron says thats a serious commitment. Denise and Joe talk about how most relationships are set up to be comfortable. Typically it’s “ I’m here because I want to feel good and you make me feel good… until you don’t. And then I’m mad about and I have to control and comfort you into the image that I want you to be.” 

30:25 min

Aaron talks about the end of the movie The Break up. Denise says its like trying to get a cat to Bark. Thats why Denise invited Joe to show up authentically.  Be authentic up front so you know who this man is and how he does life. And not try to get him to perform. That doesn’t work. But that’s what 99% of relationships do. 

31:44 min 

Aaron says he loves that Denise was choosing Joe and choosing to heal and then you wanted more. Joe talks and says yes ! He was seduced by love. That required several years understanding with Denise. Joe made a blanket statement he was never going to get married again. That was just the protection mechanism.

33:15 min

Joe talks about Denise being patient and pouring love into him. 1 Cor. 13 “Love is Patient.” Denises love voodoo. Literally healing Joe. As a result, Joe then held the container for love. And then that container of love in the relationship started to overflow. 

Aaron’s Final thoughts Thanks for listening. What did you think? What are you putting in your relationship space? I love how committed Denise is to loving Joe. And in turn, How committed Joe was to loving Denise as well.  And it all starts with how we enter into our relationships and what we put in out relationship space. What’s the conversation?  Is it helpful or is it harmful? Are we being our authentic selves? Or are we trying to perform and get our partner and our loved ones to give us what we want?

Stay tuned to the next episodes around Joe and Denise. We talk about overcoming our story. We talk about Joe  and how he overcome his false self story. The kind of story that can hold you back. If we want to have something different in our lives, we got to start telling a different story. We have to find evidence to support the truth about ourselves.

We’ll be talking about Joe and his internal struggles. We’ll talk a little about me and some of the stories I’ve held onto. And how dating life could look a little different being more present and intentional.

And if you’d like love support from Joe and Denise, you can go to newparadigmoflove.com and connect with them there. 

All of the music on the first season of this podcast has been licensed and brought to you by Soundstripe Music. If you need to license music for your podcast or your video content, you can go to thekindoflove.com/promo and get a 10% discount for an unlimited year of music.  You’ve been listening to the kind fo love podcast. 

I’m your Coach Aaron.

Best of Love to You!