You're Always Telling Yourself a Story

Listeners are wondering why Aaron says the word “Story” so much on this podcast. This is an episode dedicated to explaining what “You’re always telling yourself a story” actually means. Aaron addresses the way we think and feel, and how that changes the way we go into all of our experiences. It’s a thing behind the thing, kind of a thing.

 :25 min

Welcome back. This a solo episode where Aaron shares some ideas around love. “Love bites” you might say. Through research, therapy, and working with coached Aaron discovered that you are always telling yourself a story. This is an entire episode explain what Aaron means when he says “Story, or thats just story you’ve been telling yourself.” 

1:30 min 

Aaron describes how he told himself a story for a long time. He chased perfectionism. And he had a hard time forgiving himself. He told himself for many years and in all of his relationships that “I’m just not good enough, or its just not going to be good enough.” But the truth he found was that perfection is an illusion. You can only make things good, great, and really great.  

3:05 min 

Think of this episode like Aaron unpacking the Russian doll of the human condition. The big doll is our experiences and behaviors. The last doll is our core beliefs and core sense of self. It’s like we see all of our experiences through the lens of the past traumatizing or big emotional experiences. And we bring a fear filter into all our experiences. It’s like having fear goggles on, instead of love frames.  

4:35 min

I’m always telling stories. You’re always telling stories, We are always telling ourselves something. We bring our thoughts and our feelings into every experience. Like going to a restaurant and afterwards talking about how the chicken you had wasn’t as good as another place you’ve been too. We are telling a story to a friend or to ourselves. We wake up telling a narrative, then we go to work. When we get home we tell a story of how our day went.  

6:35 min

The question is what do you believe about yourself in that story? What was your take away? And how did that make you feel? The guy that flicked you off on the road, was that about you or about him? Aaron believe’s it’s always about you. You are the main character in all of your stories. So how did that story make you feel? 

6:50 min

There’s a quote Ghandi says about being mindful of your thoughts. We are walking thinking breathing self fulfilling prophecies. Thoughts determine words. What we say determine our actions. Our actions turn into habits. And habits determine our values and beliefs. Our beliefs determine our destiny.  

8:25 min

We also believe with our emotions. Its about asking what do I feel right now? What is this story that I’m telling myself right now? We think in story loop. We find what we want to believe in that story based upon our emotional reaction. We store those events in our core memory. And those core memories or core stories really speak what are belief is about every situation we go into.  

9:45 min 

The practice then becomes being observant of what we are telling ourselves. And that points to what we believe about ourselves.  We are the main character in all of our stories. If you’re leaving an event, what are you telling yourself afterwards.Were you excited? Did you feel bad? Did you feel alone? Did it feel like a success ? Theres many different versions of the stories we tell ourselves. How often do you find yourself repeating these stories? Was it just one really bad incident and everything else becomes a reminder of that story?  

11:45 min

We really are the main character or common denominator in all our stories. What are you telling yourself and what does that say about you? What do you believe about that situation? If you continue to think and feel that way you’ll continue to find evidence to support that story. We are always looking for whats in it for us. Thats how we survive and thrive.  

13:15  min

For example, if you said “ My partner just never appreciates me.” Thats a belief from an outcome that happened once, and you continue to attach yourself to that story. We try to find where that shows up again. We are always just pulling from our past.  

13:50 min

What is the story you want to tell yourself? Do you want to keep believing things that don’t serve you? Be honest with yourself. Is that what you want? If it is, keep telling yourself that. If it isn’t, then stop telling yourself that story. Thats what I came to know. If I kept living and telling a story of regret over and over, I’ll continue you receive regret.  

15:00 min

When we continue to  repeat those stories they begin to become part of our destiny. And if you want a different experience, start telling yourself a different story. Start telling a story you do want. Literally imagine something different.  Reframe your internal dialogue. If you have a painful past you’ll keep talking about that, until you decide to change and heal. This is where the emotional work comes in.  

16:10 min

Our emotional wounds are like our external wounds, except they’re harder to see. But in the same way, if we don’t slow down, and we keep agitating the wound, reminding ourselves of that wound, it won’t have a chance to heal. The physical pain may have healed even, but its hard for us to get back on that bike so to speak. 

17:00 min

Maybe we had a tough childhood. A lot of pain can come from childhood memories. Some people that had abusive childhoods find abusive partners or have a lot of self-abuse. There’s a connection there. You get the painful story that you keep telling yourself. Tell your brain something different. Tell your heart something different. Rethink, Reframe, reimagine, and then you’ll experience something different.  

18:45 min

Have you been telling yourself some stories? Have you struggled with something in life and found yourself repeating a narrative ? If so, what are those things you’ve been saying over and over again? Whats the feeling behind that story? Where do you want to go? What do you want to start telling yourself from now on? 

19:25 min

Thanks for listening to this solo episode. I hope everything I’ve learned can help and guide you to think and choose for yourself, what kind of story you want to be in. Who you want to love and whats the kind of love you want to create in all your relationships.  19:10 minAnd a nod to our sponsors Soundstripe Music. If you need a lot of music for your video or podcast creations, you can go to thekindoflove.com/promo and get 10% Off a year subscription to unlimited music. You can use the music to elevate your story.  

Thanks for listening. 

I’m your Coach, Aaron. 

Best of Love to you!