Someone Else’s Worth Does Not Devalue Your Worth

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In this mini- episode, Aaron discusses owning your worth and finding it within yourself and not by someone else’s standards.

Show Notes

:24 min

Hey ! Welcome back. I don’t know if you’ve been here before but welcome back to TKOL podcast. Here’s a weird conversation to have that I always thought was a weird conversation, and it’s about your worth. It could be about my worth too. It could be about other people’s worth. Depends on who’s listening to this right now. 

In our social climate, the comparison game in all of our minds is quite destructive. 

Do you feel like you’re in a comparison game in your mind? Do you have a perception of your own worth? I’d like to say that you do. How do you see yourself? What stories do you often say to yourself in regards to your worth. You’ve probably heard it said that comparison is the thief of joy. And it is!

I always thought this was a weird conversation. I didn’t like walking about my worth. It’s this weird uncomfortable thing. Most of us can relate to comparing ourselves when we were younger or teenagers. I was a drummer so I always compared myself to other drummers, almost to the point where it became apart of my identity. It ended up sucking the life out of wanting to play drums at all. 

Thats what it was like for me. For you it might have been a different skill you wanted to have as a kid that you thought you were good at. You may have lived in the shadow of someone else’s skill that was similar to that. 

2:08 min

To understand how owning your worth works, we also have to understand how the inner critic or ego works. When you make a mistake or fall short on some thing the first time that happens your inner critic might blame you and beat you up a bit and you accept the blame. The second time a similar shortcoming happens, the inner critic wants to mental rehearse the time before, just to add a nail in that coffin. You will make upan excuse or reason like, oh everyone in my family does that same thing, or i blame my mother. The third time that happens we assume something must innately wrong in us. We say things to ourselves like “I’m the worst.” Or “I’m just bad” and that attacks our worth with shame. How can we ever redeem ourselves if we believe we’re innately bad. You’ve got to change the story you tell yourself. 

3:35 min

What do I mean by worth? Your value, how you are loved, how you are seen, how you are understood, your significance, your true self, the freaking essence that is YOU. No one has the final say about your worth but you. And your sense of God if you believe in a higher self or higher God. Something that’s bigger that you like the universe.

What is the perspective you see yourself through ? What is the lens you put on that you see the rest of the world through? What’s the lens that you see yourself through ? 

I don’t know about you, but I’m really tired of letting my outer world steal my joy. I’m tired of fearing that if I actually enjoy my life and my loved ones, and the things I love to do, someone is going to hate me or judge me or scold me for it, internet troll me. It sucks the enjoyment out of my life to fear those judgements and those comparisons. The thought that someone else’s worth my take away my worth makes you feel small. And I don’t like feeling small. 

5:05 min

That comes out of this need to be approved. To be accepted. To be loved. To be seen, heard and understood. To be valued. Who are we giving our authority to? What messages are we letting sink in to our minds and into the cells of our bodies that we tell ourselves on a daily basis? 

Where do we find our worth from ? Is it our job, is it our parents acceptance? Is it our community? Is it someone on social media that we wish we could be like? Is it our peers? Like who are you looking to be approved by? Where do you get the love from? 

Who sees you for who you really are? Who do you find yourself around most that makes you feel most like yourself ? Where you don’t have to prove your worth to them, where you stand in confidence and you don’t have to fight, hide, freeze up, or shut down and perform to be seen or loved.. 

Is your identity being attacked ? Who determines your worth ? 

You do! By the lens you see yourself through. Give yourself the gift of how you see yourself. Drop the act. Drop the striving to be seen. Stand firmly in the truth that YOU ARE WORTH IT. 

I actually use to hate this conversation and I wanted to play around of hot potato with it. Like, what kind of arrogant prick do you think that I am to talk about what i deserve or what I’m worth? Now i see it as the result of so much suffering in my life to NOT address my worth.

Many jobs, opportunities, relationships, true love, deeper connections, dates, possibilities where all missed out on because I just didn’t see myself as I am. 

7:05 min

And I don’t think there is a magic pill to swallow here. More like a micro dose of reminders of who you are on a daily basis that doesn’t come from how many sales you landed, how expensive your clothes are, what car you just bought, all those things might be a reflection of how you see yourself, or they might be a disguise. The truth is your worth comes from with in. How you speak to yourself on a daily basis. How you treat yourself. How you show others you want to be treated. it starts from with in. It’s a way of loving yourself. Then that gets reflected back out to who you surround yourself with. 

Where do you find your self-worth? Do you let others determine your worth? And what does the story of your life and relationships look like when you feel fully worthy?

8:05 min

Here’s a confidence and worthiness writing exercise. On one side of the page write down and event in your life were you felt small or unworthy. And list next to it what you tell yourself about that event. On the other side of the page right the opposite as if it were true. And then think of times when the opposite was true in your life. This may take you some time, so give that time to yourself. 

For instance my sports team lost that big game when i was growing up, and a story you might tell yourself is “I always seem to loose when it matters”

Then write, “I always win and succeed when it counts”

Then think of a time, like oh remember that time I applied for that job I really wanted and i got it. I succeeded there! 

Try writing out 3-5 events where the opposite was true. Notice how often the inner critic wants to come in and steal your joy. Don’t let it of course.

When you’re ever having doubts, pull that note out to remind yourself of your worth and the value you bring to yourself and others in this life.

9:30 min

You’ve been listening to a mini-episode of TKOL podcast. 

If you’re curious about coaching with me through my heart-centered program you can go to thekindoflove.com and fill out an application.

Thanks so much for listening. 

I’m Aaron.

Best of Love to You.